Time To Quit The Job

The time has come to quit my once beloved job. Freedom!

This is my New Years resolution: To Follow My Dreams.

There are many things I want to do with my life and I need to be a free spirit in order to do them. Obviously this means I had to quit soon because if I could never create my own business or travel when on want and for as long as I want.

There are those workaholics who just won't understand. These are the people who have not reached their life goals.

I wonder why.

Hey your only young once....right?

Rim Job

Well you learn something new everyday.
One of my clients has come in asking me for Anal Bleaching.

Alrighty then. I decided not to ask why.

I did not know this existed. After much Googling I have to say there really is no procedure or protocol to do this. I sold her a bottle of my most powerful skin lightener and told her to go it alone.

Maybe she just needs a good shrink.

Rhino Dis-Morpha

Women are truly hooked on perfection. I had a client today ask to be referred to our plastic surgeon. I looked at this blond haired blue eyed beauty and said, "for what?"Apparently she would like a complete nose job because of some tiny bump on her nose that I can't even see. I think its because her boyfriend just dumped her.

The plastic surgeon agreed with my opinion and told her no.

99 Vials Of Filler On The Wall

I once attended a trade show hosted by the Society Of Plastic Surgery Specialists. At this show I decided to sit in on a class with one of my physician clients. I witnessed a very well known NYC doctor (a Dermatologist actually) injecting a patient while drinking way to much vino. She was teaching the whole time she drank and the attending physicians just stared at her. Nobody said a thing.

Welcome to New York....

Indecent Proposal?

Whores what are they good for? Absolutely nothing.

The song plays in my head I can't help it.

This just in:
A rep I know of just got the boot from a laser company for sleeping with her prospects. That's just priceless.. no wonder that ho was making so much money.

Career change anyone?

Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Laser Reps?

Once again I look like a cheapo because my company does not have the same perks as the laser/pharma reps. You would think that most physicians are smart and understand why we don't have the same perks. Don't kid yourself. They are just a dumb as the rest of us. Allow me to play out the scenario for you.

Dr. Pinhead: Can you give us some free samples and pay for our catering for our open house tonight.

Me (what I actually say) : I am so sorry but you placed a really small order with us instead of the 30k order we had discussed.

(What I want to say) Um no we already discussed the dollar amount you should spend for these little extras. Did you not go to school for 10 years smart one?

Dr. Pinhead: Your company sucks, your company is cheap. Our laser company is paying for our food and is hemorrhaging free samples for our guests.

Me (what I actually say): I am so sorry you feel that way. However if you spent 200k+ (the price of the laser) with our company I promise you we would do all that and then fly out the owners of our company to present at your event. I did suggest a much larger order to start for you because you were interested in a higher level of support.

In regards to samples our company does not provide that for free. We spend our money on our formulations and this is a very expensive product to give away. We spend 7 to 10 times more on our ingredients than pharmaceutical companies do. So what your other companies are giving away is not costing them much at all. If you want free stuff that's them but.. if you want the best product on this planet, that's us. Also our company is a 15 million dollar company so obviously we can't provide the same perks as an 80 million/billion dollar company would.

(What I want to say) I am so sorry that you overspent your money in other areas of your business and really have not invested in our company. If you had spent some money on me then certainly I would have spent some on you, dummy. Instead I will give you a handful of samples and some brochures and you will just have to realize your mistake won't you?

Pump Up The Plump

I should have been a plastic surgeon. I could never imagine going to school for that long though. The reason I say this is I am questioned all day about what fillers and lasers I recommend. This is so funny because I am a rep for a skincare line. Maybe I am selling the wrong stuff.

I don't know a person (woman) on this planet that would not change of something if they could afford it. My estheticians are all doped up on laser and Botox some of them are only in their 20's.

I have yet to do Botox because:

A. I am cheap when it comes to cosmetic type things.

B. As an esthetician I rarely pay for my beauty and don't plan on it ever.

C. Fillers need to be maintained and I am very lazy when it come to beauty.

D. The only man allowed to stick needles in my face is my acupuncturist.

I guess I just really plan to age gracefully.....

3 Fat Ladies And Not Enough Seaweed.

There comes a point in every estheticians life where the inevitable happens and we see naked people. This pretty much a given when we start doing body treatments or hydrotherapy.

Picture this. I once had three very heavy (350 plus pounds) women come into the spa for seaweed treatments. They wanted to detox. So me and 2 other estheticians attempted to give these seaweed treatments to these womem. If you can imagine no towel or robe in the place would cover them and they did not fit on any of the treatment tables. I will never forget how my hands felt applying the seaweed all over them and in their rolls.

We actually ran out of seaweed....poor girls.

The Free Lunch Junkies And The Medical Anomaly.

There is a trend within the pharmaceutical industry to buy physicians lunch on a regular basis. Actually not just the physician but the entire office! I knew someday I was going to run into a problem with this but who knew when. I had gotten good at telling those who asked that we did not provide lunch.

I hired an assistant to bring some information packets into the city to distribute them among viable prospects. What I didn't know was he had agreed to send me in on a "luncheon". Apparently he did not understand the terminology. So I confirm the appointment that he has set up for me and take off to meet with this physician on Park Ave.

As soon as I get there the female physician who looks like Coffee Cake from The Bronx Tale tells me where to put the lunch. Its this moment that I realize whats happening. They expect me to court them in this fashion.

Not happening. I don't do lunch.

So in a split second I have to make a decision. I take a quick look around and see all the products they have are tragic. They literally have little sample bowls filled with stuff like Neutrogena and Cetaphil. Do not use this stuff!

I come to the realization that they would never buy my product. In my brain I've already checked out, disconnected myself from the situation. I look the physician dead in the eye (OK I am lying. I am counting the craters on her face) and realize that she really has very bad skin for a Dermatologist (I seriously thought she was the receptionist because of this when I initially walked in). I tell her that we as a company do not provide lunch as we are not a pharmaceutical company.

She tells me that she does not let anyone present without it. I leave and never look back.

Somebody needs to ween them off the stuff...

I Want You! To Join Our Industry.

One of the most interesting things I have noticed about this business is the type of clientele we deal with. I have had the good fortune of working within the schematic of many different types of business ideals. To name some of the categories; spa's, med spa's, anti-aging spa's, plastic surgery center's and of course physician's offices.

Lately the most common practices I observe seem to have a "open a spa and they will come" mentality. This is really not good for any of us. There are too many people opening too many spas and med spa's without the slightest idea. Too many clients are getting bad services which are frequently over over promised and under delivered. This undermines the hard work the rest of us have done over the years to establish our own credibility within the industry.

The newest boom is laser. Those of us that have been in the business for a while understand that most laser companies just want to sell their product. They too will over promise just to sell that 200k machine. The problem starts with the fact that the decision to purchase the machine and perform laser treatments is being made by a lay person. People who have never been in this business before are determining our cosmetic fate. If we let the laser companies try to sell a bunch of Estheticians or Dermatologists we have a different outcome almost every time. Most machines are purchased out of impulse. It makes people feel cool that they can own a laser machine. This is why the money gets spent and a second mortgage gets taken out on the house. So what's the key factor is in deciding which machine to go with. Its actually simple. The newest technology is always the best.

You may want to ask. Why would a person with no license be able to purchase such a machine? The truth is credentials within the industry have yet to be standardized. Everything has gone amok. Lay people want to be business owners (within this very profitable industry) and understandably so. However there is something to be said for the lack of credible people who are working on the largest organ we have. Many of them with just a day or two's training are heating and damaging the Dermis and getting paid to do it. They could not name the layers of the skin if they tried and have little, if any, Anatomy and Physiology knowledge.

Many of these new owners (who have no actual experience) within the industry do not intend to get any. Now this is OK if they are to be a financial backer to a more knowledgeable person. But what comes of a spa when there is no business plan and the owner becomes a laser technician overnight? What credentials should one have when doing a skin consultation or applying a chemical peel?

The skincare lines that supply the spa spa industry aren't helping either. If you don't speak English... no problem! Some companies will just send you a very informative instruction manual in the language of your choice.

Need to become a licensed esthetician? No problem! Many of the schools in many states will allow you to take classes in other languages as well. When your done with that your allowed to bring a translator into the state board exam with you. Of course that's if that state has a license at all.

If you disagree with the fact that this is a monumental problem let me tell you why your wrong.

1. Estheticians need to understand English because in this country most of our clients speak English. Sounds simple right?

2. We need to understand if our clients have any disease or disorder. If not we can either contract something and pass it on to others, or kill our client accidentally. (Every spa should present you with a healthy history form and you should fill it out correctly. Every question is on there for a reason.) Sometimes if the technician does not speak English they will overlook a possible contraindication to the treatment. One of the most common being Herpes, Canker Sores, Fever Blisters or Sun Blisters. A chemical peel is not an option when a client is prone to these outbreaks. Any esthetician with good communication skills would better serve to perform this procedure. Its likely they would refer the client to a physician for a medication they need beforehand.

3. We need to learn and understand disinfection and sterilization procedures. This is hard to do if you can't read the label on the Quats container (a hospital grade disinfectant).

4. We need to read procedure and protocol documents when administering chemical peels. Most chemical peel companies do not provide this information in other languages. Knowing English is a must.

In conclusion I can only draw from this is that, as usual, it's all about the money.

But what will become of us when the spa "Bubble" bursts?

Body Treatments Are Not Free.

I used to give this guy a full body wax. He was a guy from San Francisco and probably in his mid 40's. I can usually do a full body wax including bikini area in a reasonable amount of time but this guy was difficult.

I've learned that there are people who have realized that there are ways to score spa freebies if they play their cards right. For example when I waxed his back and the back of his legs he would always ask me to do a partial butt wax. Now here is where I draw the line with men. Anything hanging out of the undies is fine. But there will be no butt waxing. I don't care if your a swimmer THAT falls into the Boy-Zillian category.

This guy also told me that he broke out from waxing and was wondering if I had anything for that. I said yes and recommend the proper products. He never bought the products but asked me to apply something after waxing to help with the breakouts. Somehow I let him pressure me into apply a anti-inflammatory clay to his entire body. Between cleaning the residual wax off and applying the clay we are talking about an extra 45 minutes of time. In my world that is just not acceptable. Time is money is this business. Every time this guy came in it was the same story and every time he would plead with me for this little extra waxing and his mud treatment.

Finally I put a note in his file asking the receptionist to bill him an extra $150 the next time he booked with her on the phone. Hey its the going rate and a girls gotta eat! She was to inform him of this before making the appointment. The next time he called, after hearing this, he decided not to book the appointment.

Good Riddance..

Lions And Tigers And Hornets...Oh My!

If one more person asks me what this Hornet in the logo is about I swear I am going to throw down! Why do they care anyway? I think its time to stop asking for opinions on this project and just do it.

The questions and commentary:

"Why the Hornet?"

It looks cool and I want to enhance my coolness.

"Why a blue Hornet?"

Its fierce, and beautiful, and I like it.

"Why don't you create more of a spa logo?"

Because I want the site to look edgy yet boutique-ish

"Women won't shop on any website that has a Hornet"

Oh that's some BS! There must be 101 websites on the net that look exactly alike. They all have pink roses on them. How boring! Besides I plan on having a male clientele so if I go forward with this website I want it to be unisex.

Of course these people are not involved in the industry at all....

To Website Or Not To Website?

I have this fantasy about creating a website to sell skincare and other cult like must haves. I actually went and created the logo myself online after reading 4 Hour Work Week (my new favorite book). The desire stems from the urge to achieve certain things in life that I can't do with my current job. The company and the image came to me clearly as a vision in my head while dreaming. It woke me up at 4 am and I sat down and just started writing. It all came at once the image, the name, the product lines. I am almost 30 years old and have been in this business for almost 10 yrs as an esthetician and sales rep.

I love my job buuut...I am not my own boss. Sometimes that's just the bottom line.

Hey your only young once right?

An Inconveinent Wax

I had this French client who used to come in and ask me to do a full leg wax. She was in her 60's and had no hair on her legs. That's right you read correctly...no hair. Not only did she insist on getting her legs waxed, but she wanted me to go over each area twice, she said she could feel the hair.

I did not feel any hair.

This woman is fruit loops I thought to myself each and every time I went through this debacle. For those of you who are not waxers let me explain how it works. In order to wax properly we need to be able to see where we have not waxed. Hair would be a good indication of this because it tells us where to apply the wax. As we wax we can clearly see the next hairy patch needing removal. I promise you this is the schematic that all good waxers use. Its quite orderly.

Now I have 20/20 vision, x-ray vision in fact. So if I can't see hair nobody can. Because it was so difficult to deal with her "hair dis-morpha" I told the spa that I would not be seeing her again. I was losing money on her because she was taking up too much of my schedule. I worked on straight commission so time is money.

Lack of money talks and has a tendency to gossip, actually.

I forget how they handled it. What I remember is a woman in a heavy French accent screaming, "let me see Savana now" while pounding her fist on the counter.

I was sneaking out the back.

Au Revoir....

Wax On. Eyebrow off.

There comes a time in every estheticians career where we give our client a botch wax job. I know you are thinking that this can't happen with a really skilled high level esthetician but I am here to tell you that it can. We have our moments.

I mistakenly ripped this clients brow off and still to this day I have no idea why. I can tell you that when wax is applied it can spread into un-chartered territory. I know this. I did this.

After I ripped her brow off I sat there and stared at her for probably 5 minutes. I pretended to be tweezing, shaping and cleaning off residual wax. While I was doing this I was thinking of ways to leave her for a minute just to get some air. I finally told her that I had to grab a tweezer because the one I was using was dull. She had no idea that she looked like a Chemo patient. I could see that she was completely relaxed with her eyes shut listening to my Norah Jones cd. I left the room to talk to my boss who is like the most fabulous eyebrow guru of San Francisco. Lets just say she was very California about it. These people do not stress about anything. I am jealous.

Lucky them.

The end result was the client got a year of eyebrow waxes, free make-up and a brow brush to fix the mistake. That's some serious swag. Truthfully I regret making the suggestion to give her all this stuff because after that she came back. I got such heartburn every time I saw her. I was hoping she would actually go away forever and take her crappy eyebrow with her.

Every time she came in after that I felt like such a loser.

The Gucci G-Spot

Why does everyone think I can do this? I can guarantee you this photo has been retouched. If not then I need to meet the esthetician who did the wax job so I can kiss her shoes.

After this ad hit everyone came in asking me for weird shapes and hair color down there. The reality is that a wax like this would cost you about $250 as opposed to the normal 70 bucks. This would take about 2 hours to do if you want it done perfectly. To be honest I don't have that kind of patience.

One woman actually came in asking me for the initials of some guy she was dating. I talked her out of it. Ladies don't do this! Nothing says psycho-stalker like monogrammed pubes. Not only will he not be appreciative but you'll soon find yourself single in the "Self-Help" aisle of Barnes and Noble.

If your considering this please just find yourself a hobby..

Sperm Is Firm!

At the start of my career I went to the most aweful rundown Esthetics school accidentally. It was also a Cosmetology school as well. I should have known better. You see I quickly chose the school closest to me not knowing that there is a difference in quality. So I end up with a teacher who is really nice and... also really unintelligent. She actually told a woman in my class (who at the time was in her 70's) that sperm was firming because of the protein in it or something.

This poor old woman went home and tried putting it on her face. Her boyfriend at the time was only to happy to donate I am sure. She came in the next day and told me it worked.


I told the school I wanted my money back and transferred into NYC.

Somebody needs to shut this place down....

A True Sex And The City Moment

I just had a memory of my first business, which was actually starting a business, out of my apartment in San Francisco.

I had a huge 4 bedroom apartment so I though why not make 1 room a waxing room and bring my clients here? The intention behind this began because my current spa decided to renovate the building with us in it and my clients were asking for referrals. They did not want to come to me during the renovation! I can't blame them as they had to come see me in a dual room, that was divided by a sheet, and disrobe for their Brazilian wax. I felt like such an idiot for working in this place at this time. It was so ghetto.

I thought if they are willing to not come back because of this situation then they might as well come and pay me personally (in my clean home free of brawny construction workers). To do this I had to purchase a massage table and all the waxing equipment. Now unfortunately I had forgotten one thing but I did not yet know what it was.

I needed to do a test run obviously and I was looking for a model. Hmmm who should I ask?

So I have this friend who lives downstairs named Lana. She is my Seinfeld and I am her Kramer and its a funny story how we met.

When Rachel Met Lana:

My old spa name used to be Savana (I seriously will name my first child this I love it so much). We do make up fake names in spa's I know your wondering.

At this time Lana lived down stairs from me. She makes an appointment to come and see me not knowing I work at this spa ( remember my name is also not Savana in real life and this is who she has the appointment with). I actually run into her and am kinda meeting her for the first time when she naturally asks me where I work and what I do. I tell her I am Brazilian waxer at 77 Maiden Lane Salon and Spa. She tells me she just made an appointment there for a Playboy Wax which is what they call it on the west coast. We east coasters call it a Sphinx Wax like the hairless cat. Get it? The funny thing is she happened to make the apt with Savana so I had to explain who Savana was. I asked her if she cared that I was going to see her Chalupa and she said no. So it was on.

Ok so I digress. Lets go back to the original story. So I decide to set-up my massage table in my kitchen and we are laughing our asses off at the fact that I am waxing her butt crack in it. Hey its the largest room in the apartment and a perfect place to try out my new waxing table. Besides its mid day so none of the other roomies will be home...or so we thought.

Long story short. Someone did come home and wanted to know why the kitchen door was locked and it was one of my male roommates. It was at that moment that we also realized that I had forgotten a special oil to remove the wax. There is typically a residue left on the skin after the job is complete. Lets just say the olive oil in the kitchen cabinet did not make the cut.

We never did get around to explaining why the door was locked.....

How To Be An Esthetician

I will never forget moving to San Francisco and having to retake my state board exam to be an esthetician in the state of California. It had been years since I had taken one in NYC and I waited 5 months for an exam date.

I had forgotten a lot of the really pointless rules that a lot of these states have. For example: I needed to wear closed toe shoes in a certain color and I showed up without those shoes. Of course I forgot these. I had not worn a lab coat in so long that I almost did not bring mine.

I had driven almost 2 hours outside San Francisco and my model had shoes that were in the right size and style for the test...so what do you think we did?

The unfortunate thing about switching shoes is that we had different sized feet. I had to wear a size 7 when I was an 81/2. I remember thinking that I wanted to walk out from the test. The pain was so bad that I was on the brink of leaving the entire time. The test took about 6 hours.

I was very surprised that I had to remove everything that I was applying to the face with tissues. How absurd. Estheticians I know you know this is ridiculous but for anyone who is not one just try it. Apply your face scrub or cleanser and then try to remove it with tissues.

The other funny thing was that state apparently is not interested to know whether or not we estheticians can actually wax. The want us to simulate waxing with honey. This is like the Easy Bake Oven version of waxing. How childish. They just take our money for school and for the test and barely gauge how worthy we are.

They really need to get it together..

The Day I Waxed A Neanderthal

I will never forget this for as long as I live. I was an esthetician still and I was working in Ridgefield, Ct. I had to wax a woman who was supposedly getting married. I say supposedly because at the end of this story you will wonder what her deal is.

I noticed right away that she was very masculine and she had a very square jaw manly European type face thing going on for her. She was beyond oily skinned (we estheticians notice these things) she was greasy.

She had to get undressed obviously as this was a bikini wax. Now before I come back into the room I provide my clients with a towel to cover themselves up because sometimes as I open the door other service providers are walking by. This was not a Brazilian wax so she was able to leave her panties on.

When I removed the towel and got ready to wax her I noticed that on the front of her panties she had a little sachet of some sort hanging from a safety pin. I am thinking is this some pre-wedding ceremonial thing? A air freshener? What? Please write me if you can figure this out because I will take it to the grave otherwise. I seriously even to this day will be walking down the street and just pause and think..whaaat was that???

Her undies were also.. Ahem not sanitary shall we say. I did not realize that women could actually wear the same ones for a week. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Thank god for latex gloves.

Ok so I know you are waiting to hear what actually happened during the wax and why I think she is a Neanderthal visiting from some B.C year sooo...

As I waxed her for the first time I could not remove the hair and by no fault of my own (I solemnly swear.. I am a pro speedwaxer). She had hair that was so thick that I could see the cuticle of the hair with my naked eye. This is not normal. Her hair looked like bad hair implants that bald men sometimes get. It was plug like. I tried to wax the same area 3 or 4 times in a row using different waxes and it did not budge. This is almost never recommended but this woman had oddly thick skin that I had never seen before as well. Her skin did not even get irritated.

I stared at her crotch like it was Narnia.

I never removed a single hair and am still convinced to this day that she is a cave woman..