Massimo

Yeah that's his real name the spelling I'm not sure about.

I met this guy with a friend at a restaurant in San Francisco. He was from Italy and was here in the states getting his MBA. He invites us over to this guy Massimo's house for a seven course meal. Blond haired, blue-eyed Massimo.

Despite what your thinking, I was not attracted to Massimo at all. We had a totally normal and very good meal with these two guys. Massimo could cook so I give him credit for that. We had a good laugh over the fact that he bought Kraft Parmesan cheese complete with shaker. He did not know it was of poor quality so I told him.

He asked his friend to get my number and I said sure give it to him. Why not? I was going through a dry spell anyhow. Men that are shorter and thinner than me are never my type but I was feeling adventurous and he was so polite.

So Massimo (the size 2 future businessman) proceeds to call me 2-3 times a day. Pleading with me for a date. He was always offering something attractive with his heavy Italian accent. He would ask me to "go to the beach together"..

Um hello? Is this what Europeans do on a first date. Are they all so freaking fabulously thin that this is standard? Screw that. I'm a fatty and I will have dinner on my first dates only. Io Amore cibo!!!

I finally go over to his house for dinner and I knock on his door. For 15 minutes he is not coming to the door. Now if you knew anything about San Francisco men you would think automatically your being flaked out on. But this guy is from Italy. I-T-A-L-Y. Finally he comes to the door and opens it. My jaw drops. He had sliced his hand open while cooking for me and is trying to stop the blood. He also decided to shave (and I mean Bic it) his beautiful longish hair off that week. Hair that I swear only looks good on Italian men. Crap! "That was the only good feature he had", I thought.

Now I am on a date with Gollum, a bleeding Gollum actually. All nose and no hair. Its just tragic. He just looks stressed and greasy in a way that only Italian men do. I offer to cook (mainly because I don't want his blood in my food). He declines my offer and my stomach turns. He's still bleeding.

We sit down to dinner and all goes well.

He's still bleeding.

Then he asks me if I want to sit on the couch with him.

Yep. Still bleeding.

At this point I am totally disgusted. He refuses to deal with his bleeding finger properly. I really want to leave but he's just cooked me this amazing dinner (while practically missing a finger).

I try to beat him off with a stick for a few minutes on the couch. He proceeds to suddenly stick his head in my cleavage (against my will) and play motorboat. I was very strange. I realize that I can't deal with him any longer. I literally back out of the apartment so he can't grab any other body parts. I concentrate on deflecting his additional attempts at courtship on my way out. What a weirdo.

Should I go out with him again?