The Trials and Tribs Of The Evil Organization Known As Weight Watchers.

I starved my but all week and actually did not use all my points for Weight Watchers. I get to the meeting thinking I am so dope and have lost like another 5 pounds.


Nope.

I gained.

.6 pounds.

My life is in shambles. I have come to the realization that I need to work out. I would rather have my arm chopped off than gain weight. Come to think of it that would take off a few pounds huh?

WTH?

Why Weight Watchers Irritates Me.

After my last post I had to think back to my last meeting. I was trying to forget about this one because the topic of that meeting was how laughing burns calories. Who cares??? I am not fat because I don't laugh enough.

If they want us to laugh they need to start serving martini's in this joint. I promise to laugh my butt off after I've had a few. I'm also looking for an excuse to boo/heckle the instructor during these lame sessions.

OK so why am I fat? The reason I am fat is because I need to wire my jar shut. Do they still do this?

So I am stuck in a meeting, with a bunch of women who are faking laughter as the instructor tells corny jokes. Yay.

I was never good at faking it.

It was very Fried Green Tomatoes. I was waiting for them to ask us to straddle our mirrors and I know you know what I'm talking about....

Now that's funny...

Fat Girl Slim. Part 2. Thy Thindom Come.

I have to say after coming from my weight watchers meeting tonight I am pumped. Not only did I lose 3.2lbs this week (thank you very much) but I went food shopping afterwards. I decided to go to Trader Joe's because lets face it my budget is about to change. I just quit my job. So I decided to stop shopping at "Whole Paycheck" (formerly known as Whole Foods). I will be sobbing in my pillow tonight..

So I am in Trader Joe's (my new favorite supermarket) and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and its this woman who was just in my meeting. She says hi to me. I look in her cart and she has these mini chocolate meringue cookies. She tells me that they are only 2 points for 13 of them. Are you freaking kidding me? Holy mother of Spumoni (my favorite Italian dessert) there is a god!

So I ask her where they are as I am standing in line ready to check out. She hands me hers and then goes and gets herself another package of them. Talk about random acts of kindness! She is my new BFF now. We're talking heart necklace status.

I get home and break open the package after dinner (veggies first). They are really freaking good! You know what they taste like? If chocolate mouse could produce a turd, this would be it. Fabulous. Now I can stop swallowing my own spit when I'm hungry.

Until next weeks weigh in....

Fat Girl Slim.

I love how today scientists finally discovered that diet soda makes you fat. This made headlines. Are we really just finding this out? C'mon.

For years the big food companies have been making us fat, hiding information about what causes obesity. I believe that artificial chemicals are not the way to go. Drinking a gallon of diet soda a day is disgusting and probably will kill you instantly. So the next time someone offers you a glass of liquid love handles smack'em with your pimp hand.

But hey in my current state of fatness what do I know? I think congress should show them the hand, and make it illegal for punks to use the word diet soda.

BTW I lost 9lbs so far in Weight Watchers without the use of these so called diet elixirs.

1 me, 0 them.